


Love (Fruits of the Spirit)

by face78



Series: Fruits of the Spirit [1]
Category: Firefly
Genre: Biblical References, F/M, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 05:48:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1417372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/face78/pseuds/face78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drabble that I forgot I wrote a long time ago. Set after the show, but before the movie. Inara's thoughts on her profession and Mal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love (Fruits of the Spirit)

Inara is not ashamed of the things she does because she knows that there is nothing shameful in it. She supposes it’s fortuitous that she enjoys sex as much as she does; although for her it is not just the physical aspect (although that is often a nice bonus) that draws her to her profession. Most don’t understand her reasons for enjoying her work; they think it has to do with the luxury it affords her. And while it is nice to have resources and influence, it's not what Inara likes best about being a companion.

What Inara really likes best is having the unique ability to give people what they need for those few brief moments. For this reason her clients are only ever those who need something beyond physical gratification- they are those she deems worthy of receiving the gift of her companionship. Sometimes she gives them the gift of a few moments of peace; sometimes she gives them the gift of confidence; and sometimes she can even give them the gift of feeling a small part of what love is like. Were Inara not a generous person, she would not be as good as she is at what she does.

  
Mal’s disdain of her profession hurts her very little in the grand scheme of things. She does not believe the things he says and puts no stock in their truth. What is irksome to her is how little Mal seems to understand why she does what she does. He is so determined to reduce it to something base and crass that Inara is certain the cause can only be jealousy. She knows from the way he looks at her that he desires her- she is no stranger to being wanted. But she also knows that she cannot be with Mal because he would never be able to share her.

  
No, Inara cannot give up her work and she is certain that Mal would ask her to. She is gripped with fear when she thinks about giving up being a companion. She is not afraid of change, nor of being unable to find a new trade; but she is afraid that she would become less than useless to her family, the crew. As a companion she has the means to help many, not least of all the crew of the Serenity. Were she to become- what? Mal’s wife?- she could no longer help them as she does. To take a place at Malcolm’s side would be to give up her place in Malcolm’s crew, and that would be a kind of shackle worse than the kind that Mal insists she's wearing by being a companion. Inara has seen what becomes of those without access to legitimate resources out here on the Border, and she will not doom her crew or herself to a similar fate.

  
It’s awful because sometimes she thinks that she may even be in love; it sometimes feels that way, until he ruins it by opening his mouth. She often remembers what the shepherd says about love at times like that. “Love does not envy.” Inara suspects that the shepherd would agree with her that it is not yet love on that basis alone.

  
So she waits until it might become love, until he might at least try to understand what she does. After all, does not the good book say “Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known”? She thinks even God could understand that.

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive the lame title- I couldn't think of anything better. Especially not once I thought about making this part of a series of drabbles (I just realized that there are nine crew members on the Serenity and nine fruits of the spirit and now I can't unsee it!!). Anyways, if you'd be interested in seeing more of these drabbles please lemme know in the comments! (Because it probably won't happen otherwise....just bein' honest here.)


End file.
